Transfixed
on a little pink box
the girl slowly opens,
a small brass coil
supports a tiny beautiful
woman in a wedding gown.
The music starts
the Wedding Song
the beautiful bride
twirls like a ballerina
to the music, and the girl
KNOWS that will be her someday.
The dancing bride never told her
life would be full of men
with good intentions,
fragile promises,
broken glass walkways.
That the path to the aisle
would be ridden with brambles
and roots to trip.
And that really
the aisle never
existed.
Love and logic battled
many times in her head.
Love won mostly
a Pyhhric victory.
She, now defeated
falls asleep in a
twin sized bed
with one pillow
and a dream
of a dancing tiny bride
statuette in a pink
jewelry box.
**Need honest feedback on this one. I know where I want to go with it, but not sure if I went there.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I call this "Cinderella syndrome."
The music in your head never matches the dance.
It is much better left a dream.
Beautifully Choreographed!
idk what does it tell you
exquisite
I think I know where you are going with this but to keep it in real time I made some changes in the second section.
The dancing bride doesn’t tell her
life will be full of men
with good intentions,
fragile promises,
broken glass walkways.
That the path to the aisle
will be ridden with brambles
and roots to trip.
And that really
the aisle may not
exist.
I like the poem. I wish we could tell our daughters the lessons we have learned in a way that makes them better for our pain.
This piece reminds me of Anita Bakers – Fairy Tales
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KL38xWGYo4
It speaks to the statement ——
"Expectation is just premeditated disappointment"
Its a true …. true piece …. go forward with your eyes open.
Because I like it.. I ….(simply an idea)
Transfixed
A little pink box
She slowly opens,
Small brass coil
Tiny Woman
Beautiful
Wedding gown.
The music
Wedding Song
Bride twirls
A ballerina
And she knows
One day…..
The dancing bride never
told her
life would be full of men
with good intentions,
fragile promises,
broken glass walkways.
Or, the path to the aisle
would be ridden with brambles
and roots to trip.
Or, the aisle
never existed.
Love and logic battled
many times in her head.
Love won mostly
a Pyhhric victory.
Now defeated
She falls
asleep
twin sized bed
one pillow
and a dream….
Dancing bride
in a pink
jewelry
box.
I can’t tell you where to go with this, for you are the poet, not I.
Very nice, and good luck to you
You went there.
I would not capitalize "know", I would just put it on its own line.
Very eloquent feel to this.
I think it is beautiful. Think. Think about the edits some have made — maybe, maybe not. This is what every little girl dreams of and believes will happen. Very well done.
Very touching piece, C
as to your question, we usually plan (logically), but the heart screws up our planning on emotional issues, and hence we tend to take illogical decisions. when we reach unpleasant results, we revert back to logic to find out why things went wrong. it is a natural defence mechanism, to sooth us for a while, but when the time comes, we may take the same old illogical decision over and over.
as to the poem, I like the message. the subject is lived world wide due to its human nature. I like the wording scheme, and the smooth flow. the capitalization of "know" makes unnecessary stop over for the reader, and its impact exceeds its emphatic gesture.
since you asked for an honest opinion, my guess is if you get rid of the "giving a slice of my life" notion, you gonna make stunning poetry!
and maybe this bit should be raised in a different question to reach to the bottom of it.
down to earth realistic poem, ms. cilla! it has been an enjoyable read.
thanks for sharing!
Why is it we never notice that statuette is always alone????
Great write.
ma
somewhere……..
…….out there….
….there’s something……
that will…….
….fill the void……
mek is a dreamer..
no one person can ever fill the void
we have to embrace ourselves and love who we are
before we can truly fill it with anything other than transparency and feelings..
I like the poem just the way it is..
as you read it you the writer will feel
where it needs changes no one else can feel it for you.
We all feel it different.
I was that girl but the story played out different
a lot different but somehow so similar.
Hold onto the poem and steer it
the way YOU want it to go.
I like it fine.
My mother told me long before I found out.
I remember, but still I had to learn it myself through the feelings as she did.
So it goes…..
A young girl’s dream of her knight in shining armor – only one true love type of thing. Oh – what others things unseen. But – if all things had been known – in the beginning – no one – in their right mind – would have proceeded in their search for the one and only. Well – maybe I would have – I’m stubborn ♥